


They Say I Did Something Bad (Then Why's It Feel So Good?)

by richardwhoreman



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 01:53:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14945412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richardwhoreman/pseuds/richardwhoreman
Summary: Clarke realizes her feelings when its too late.





	They Say I Did Something Bad (Then Why's It Feel So Good?)

Love.

A feeling that had changed in the eyes of Clarke. When she was young. She loved with her heart and soul. Her father. Wells. Finn. Lexa. She loved so passionately. Yet, when all of them died– it made Clarke scared to utter the words. Love always meant goodbye. 

Love had never crept up on Clarke like it did with him. She always knew she was falling in love. With Finn she knew that night in the glowing forest. With Lexa it was the day she had to leave. The day she died. Though, she never told her. Not until the City Of Lights. 

That’s why she never told her best friend, Bellamy. Instead she told him to hurry. She didn’t want to jinx his survival. 

Her love for Murphy though, damn. It was slow. It was so gradual she didn’t even realize it until the third year after Praimfiya. It hit her suddenly during one of her radio calls while sitting on the hood of the rover, Madi asleep in the rover. 

“Well, that was my day. How about you? How’s Murphy?” It rolled off her tongue with such ease. With such genuine wonderment despite knowing she would never get an answer. Radiation prevented it. Yet, everyday, after rambling about Madi or berries she asked about the trash prince. The boy she witnessed turn into man in just over two hundred days. One she now hadn’t seen in over three years and was driving her nuts even from space. 

Why? Why did he drive her so crazy? Why did she care so much? Then it hit her. She loved him.

For the years following she tried to pinpoint just when it happened. Was it when she saw him dangling from a noose? When he was bloody and sick from the grounder poison? Was it when he was sitting next to her after her escape from Mount Weather while Bellamy and Finn had a pissing match over her? No. It was later. It was much later.

It hit her like a sack of bricks when she realized what day it was when things changed. 

It was the day Lexa died. When she stepped through the doors and saw the weak, fatigued, beaten Murphy crumbled over in a chair with a gag in his mouth. She remembered forgetting out to breath. He had changed so much in the short time since she had last seen him. He looked…older. More mature. Not moments later was Lexa shot. 

And he stood by her through it all. 

He was the only one who tried to comfort her after her death. The only one who saw how much Lexa truly meant to her. 

When she had to go into the City Of Light, he held the beating heart of his rapist in his hands and pumped it to keep her alive. Clarke could never thank him enough for that. 

She never got the chance too. 

Because, he ran into the arms of Emori. And she had the world to save. Yet again. 

As she thought about it, the hardest night was of Baylis’ attack. She and he bantered. He cooked. Made her smile. Then wrapped his arms around Emori as she whispered in his ear. 

She didn’t make matters any easier later on when she chained him to the rocket before almost potentially killing his girlfriend. She didn’t think she could ever come back from that. 

“But maybe you are forgetting the last time you saved us, I was saving you!” 

Clarke couldn’t forget. She would never. He and Bellamy were the only two who truly did what they could to save her. That’s why she injected herself. To bear it so they didn’t have too. 

Then the world ended. He was in space. She was on the ground. She knew they all thought she was dead. At least they got closure. 

She didn’t even know if he was dead or alive. 

Her and Madi’s leisurely days of laying around, learning to draw and shoot, and doing each other’s hair ended the day the prisoner ship landed. 

Things moved at such a fast pace then. 

She left Madi to hide when she was taken by the intruders. 

She refused to talk. 

Then she did. 

They she heard they found more people. 

How was that possible? 

It was just her and Madi. 

She didn’t realise who it was until she had been electrocuted three times and she hears the deep raspy voice of her best friend. 

Hallucination. 

That’s what she believe he was. 

Just another figment of her imagination that she had created during her years of solitude to keep herself from going completely mad.

Except, when she awoke to see him standing in the doorway. She knew it was real. Bellamy ran to her side. Told her she saved their lives. That they were all alive. Including Murphy.

When she heard his voice over the radio, her heart skipped a beat.

“Nice to meet you. We’re not bad people, we-” his voice cutaway as Raven and Bellamy agreed to keep him from the radio.

‘Please don’t.’ She thought. His voice was the one she wanted to hear the most.

She listened as Bellamy explained the situation and Raven replied. Bellamy handed her the walkie and she took a deep breath.

These people had thought she was dead for six years.

She had to make sure they knew it was her.

“Raven, Murphy. It’s really good to hear your voices.”

There was only silence at the other end. For a long period of time.

“Clarke? I don’t believe it.” Raven finally spoke up.

Then the voice she had wanted all along came through.

“Jeez, and they call me the cockroach.” Sarcasm. She wasn’t surprised. Or even the slightest bit upset. It was him. Being him.

The call didn’t get to last as long as she wanted to. They had to open the bunker.

The next week was a blur. The deal with Diyoza had gone rogue. Octavia was the leader of a cult. There were sandstorms. Sand worms. Then, she saw it. The rover.

She ran toward Madi as she ran toward her. Her being her first priority. Yet, hugging her, her eyes scanned for Murphy. They knew they had found him. He was on the ground. But, she didn’t see him. 

Where was her other half of ‘Team Cockroach’


End file.
